I'm in love with a ROBOT!
by PineappleKisses
Summary: Bella and Edward are having an adorable picnic outside in a tree. Then Bella discovers a HUGE secret about Edward...he's a ROBOT! "It explains so much," she realizes. A Team Jacob story. It's a parody so don't yell at me if you're mad Ed isn't right!
1. Chapter 1: Two Lovers in a Tree

Okay girls, first of all this is a parody of Twilight. Meaning there may not be very many romantic parts between Bella and Edward, although there is in the begginning to make you guys happy. Secondly, this story dedicated to all of you Jacob lovers, and if you aren't one then this story may aggravate you, but don't send me any hate mail because I'm telling you here not to read it if you tend to grimace when you hear the name Jacob. Thirdly, this story is for laughs...so laugh when you read it! :)

**Two Lovers in a Tree**

Saturday. A perfect Saturday, it wasn't raining and there was only a mild sun so Edward and I could be outside together. Something very rare lately.

"Bella," he called and his voice sent shivers up my spine. Then he touched my arm and my skin tingled, I looked up and saw his intoxicating topaz eyes twinkling at me.

How could it be that me, awkward, clumsy, bookworm Bella Swan had managed to have this man love me. He's gorgeous, talented, sweet, romantic, strong, …the list is just too long. I sighed and shook my head, trying to dislodge those thoughts.

Edward looked at me concerned, I smiled, "Nothing, I was just thinking about how amazing you are." He smiled back at me and my heart stopped, _Will I ever get used to him?_ Somehow, I doubted it.

He gently took my hand and again my skin sizzled at his touch. He tugged me along and I, slightly dizzy from the feeling of his hand in mine, followed behind in a daze.

He looked down at me, oh, how my poor heart was caught by surprise, and he touched my face to move a few stray strands of hair behind my ear, I blushed.

Then he picked me up and set me on his back. I must have looked confused because he laughed but didn't explain any further than whispering, "Hold on."

It wasn't until we were halfway up did I realize we were climbing a tree. It wasn't too tall, about the same height as the beautiful, colonial-style house next to it.

We stopped, and Edward set me down on a thick branch. He sat down next to me and wrapped muscular arms around my waist and I shivered. He raised an eyebrow, concerned again. I just smiled and kissed his icy cheek.

I looked around to take in the view and saw a small picnic basket hanging from a nearby branch. I turned to look at Edward; he was smiling slyly at me. He stretched his snowy arm past me to reach the basket. This time I forgot to breathe.

He then placed it in my lap and I opened it. Inside was a delicious looking lunch, complete with ham sandwich, grapes, chips and a red juicy apple (I had to put that in here!). I smiled and looked up, "Thank you. You're so sweet." I kissed his nose, "My little chef," he laughed.

He held me tighter and pressed his forehead against mine, his dazzling caramels staring into my chocolate browns. " I love you," he whispered, "and you're welcome." I had to close my eyes to remember how to speak before I could answer, "I love you, too."

Edward moved his lips down to mine and kissed me. It was sweet and tender, with a dash of passion. And even though his lips were chilly and hard it still made me feel warm and mushy on the inside.

We were still embracing, when 11 seconds later (yes, I was counting the seconds, enjoying each one separately), I started to hear a beeping. It was soft at first, but then it got louder until I couldn't push it away as my imagination.

I broke out of the kiss and he looked worried. "Bella?" he asked. "Don't you here that…that beeping?" I questioned him.

He shook his beautiful head and laughed lightly, "You must be lightheaded. I'll go into the kitchen and get you some lemonade. Start on that sandwich, I'll be right back."

He gave me a soft peck on the lips, and then grabbed a branch in front of us and swung down to the ground 15 feet below, barely stirring the air. _Wow,_ it still surprised me how graceful he could be.

I took the sandwich out of the basket and unwrapped the plastic wrap around it. Just as I took a bite I look up and notice that the tree that I'm in is right outside Edward's window. And I can see into his room.

I stop chewing; he's standing in the room with his back to the window. He's reaching up to the lip of his deep purple T-shirt and pulls it up and off over his head.

I gulp and I swear my eyes are going to pop out of my head. He is truly perfect. Even if all I can see is his back, it's obvious there are no imperfections on him anywhere. He walks over to the couch in his room and throws the shirt on it.

Now I can see his porcelain abs, they look tight and hard. I have stopped breathing and I think I may faint. _Shutt up, Bella, _I tell myself,_ he's just a guy without a shirt on. _But when I glance back at that beautiful figure I realize that I'm wrong. _No, he's not just a guy. _His body sparkled slightly as a ray of sunlight escaped from the cloud cover._ Defiantly not just a guy._


	2. Chapter 2: He's a Supah Freak!

So here I am, sitting 15 feet off the ground in a tree, choking on a ham sandwich, while a beautiful vampire, who is oblivious to the fact that I am staring at him, is not too far away. Now up until now, the shirtless Edward has stunned me and I haven't been thinking... or breathing.

_Wait, _I realize, _why is he changing shirts? I thought he just went to get lemonade. _This thought scares me. Why would Edward lie about lemonade to go change his shirt? And why did he have to change his shirt anyway? Did he get sweaty? Do vampires even sweat? Questions flew about my head like angry birds.

Meanwhile, Edward sauntered to his closet and disappeared inside. It was a couple of minutes before he came back out (still without a shirt on). Although, he did carry a glowing cylinder in his slender fingers. It burned with a bright blue light and fell upon Edward's features making them even more heartbreakingly beautiful than before. But there was something off about him. His gaze seemed cold and indifferent, and his movements somewhat stiff.

Then came the part that made me feeze and my heart stop completely. The top of Edward's chest surged forward a little and then two panels that contained his breast slid apart from each other. The inside was mechanical and chrome. My eyes bulged, how could this be happening? This must be a dream, no...a nightmare.

The love of my life reached into his cold chest and pulled out a cylinder just like the one in his hand but not glowing. He seemed to grunt as it slid out, it was dark and cracked.

I screamed. The being turned toward me, eyes glowing yellow and a snarl plastered across his face. I flinched and tipped over backwards toward the fast approaching ground. I didn't even have time to scream or think about screaming even. But I did feel the cool air rushing past my face and saw my limbs flailing about me. I closed my eyes, bracing for impact.

"Oooff", I said when I hit something fleshy and hot. My back ached and there would definatly be a bruise there tomorrow. My eyes flutttered open and I saw my best friend gazing conceredly down at me.

"Bella!" Jake yelled at me. My mind was paralyzed, still horrified at what I had seen. Suddenly, I could hear Edward's soothing voice cracked with worry. "Jacob, thank God you caught her!" I looked at him, he seemed normal enough...well Edward normal.

He reached toward me and I whimpered, cringing into Jacob's warm bare chest. He squeezed me tightly. Edward heaved a sigh, he seemed so sad. "Jacob, I thought we were over this." He turned his eyes to my face and smiled, I almost jumped out of Jacob's arms except that he held on so strongly.

Edward took a step toward us and Jacob stepped back. "Come on, Jacob. Put Bella down now." He sounded angry. Edward wasn't very patient sometimes. Jake looked down at me, the question in his eyes. Did I want him to let me go?

He must have seen the answer because the next thing I knew we were flying over the ground. He jumped over fallen trees and rocks with my head thudding against his shoulder. Edward must have been as surprised as I was because I didn't see him behind us for a few seconds, then I got a glimpse of his white face between the trees behind us.

Jacob was fast.

Edward was faster.

Soon he was right there, running along side Jake effortlessly. He scowled at us and reached toward me. Jake turned left and practically galloped into a thicket of bushes.

Jagged branches grabbed at my coat and pulled my hair. Jacob was breathing hard but he didn't loosen his hold on me at all. I could hear Edward cursing behind us. Something very much unlike him, but then again I had just seen something else that was unlike him also.

We exploded through the other side, then flew over a river and landed with a thud on the other side. But Jake didn't pause for a second, he just kept running through the forest. After a minute the trees began to thin and he jogged to a stop.

I lifted my head from Jacob's chest. We were in his backyard. Had he really run that far? There was the house right there and the little garage not too far off.

Jake lumbered over to the gray building and pushed the door open with his shoulder. The smell of motor oil stung my nose, he flipped the light switch with his elbow and made his way over to his old Rabbit. He set me on the hood and placed his hands on either side of me. He was breathing hard and looked down at the floor for a long time.

I covered my face with hands. In the dark behind my eyelids I saw Edward, but not as the beautiful vampire. Instead I saw the pulsing yellow eyes straing at me, hard and metallic. What did this mean? I sucked in a deep breath, but the tears came anyway.

I felt warm fingers pull at my hands. Jacob looked at me with worry plastered all over his face along with blood from the varius cuts (thanks to our adventure through the thicket), although they were already healing. He held both my hands in one of his own and used his other to wipe the tears and hair from my face.

"Bella," he rough voice whispered, "Honey, what happened?" I sniffled and took a deep breath. I couldn't even begin. My head was hurting from trying to make sense of it all. My thoughts were a hurricane, twisting around and disappearing. I couldn't take it! "Edward! And his eyes were...!" I pointed to my eyes. "and his chest...it went...WHOOSH!" I made a big motion from my chest and spread my arms wide, "and...and...BEEPING!" I yelled in his face and almost started hyperventilating.

He grapped the sides of my face. "Whoa, Bells, calm down." I tried to follow his order, but I was difficult. If I closed my eyes all I saw was Edward and that was scary. The garage smelled like old parts and grease, plus this car hood was not comfortable. Jacob was staring at me intently to see if I would have another panic attack, so I looked at the ceiling. I concentrated on what had happened and I came up with this list.

One, Edward is a lot less human than he told me. Two, he's very upset that I found that out. And three, I have no idea what's going on.

I glanced back to Jacob, he was still looking at me but his eyes were only filled with concern. There was no anger or frustration that I took so long to finally start telling him, this time with more than just sound effects, everything that happened.


End file.
